A Time to Mourn
by abharding
Summary: How did the crew react to Tom Paris' death in Threshold?


  
A Time to Mourn (missing scenes form the aired episode Threshold)

Ann B. Harding [parisfan@erols.com][1]

Web page: [http://hometown.aol.com/parisfan/][2]

Summery: How did the crew react when they learned of Tom Paris' "death" in Threshold?   


Disclaimer: Voyager, Tom Paris, and all characters within are the property of Paramount Pictures. I am just borrowing them for this little tale.   
  


He would have to notify the Captain, the Doctor thought as he pulled the sheet over the body. He had discovered early in his "life" that he did not like it when he had to inform the Captain that one of his patients had died. He never knew quite what to say, other then to explain how the person died. The man who created the Doctor's program had never anticipated that he would perform that particular duty. Why would he? After all that would normally be handled by one of the organic doctors or a by counselor, not the ship's Emergency Medical Holographic Program. But, as he was well aware, _Voyager's_ current situation was not normal. Not by a long shot. He was grateful that he only dealt with most the crew on a professional level, and not a personal one. That meant he never had to deal with the emotional repercussions of the loss.

He looked over at Kes, watching the tears running down her face. Strange, he couldn't remember her ever reacting that way to a patient's death before. But, he suddenly realized, Tom Paris was not only a patient to his young assistant, he was also a friend. He was not the first she had lost since coming on board _Voyager_, he was the closest. It seemed that this time he would have to help a friend through the grieving process.

Now he felt unsettled. He had no experience helping anyone to grive, let alone a close friend. His programing was no help. There was nothing on how humanoids deal with the lost of someone they loved, other then to cover the five stages of grief and what to expect at each one, but there was nothing on how to help someone through them. Again, it was information no one had thought he would need.

And then there were his own feelings concerning the Lieutenant's death. He had lost patients before, but he had never felt like this. It was almost as if he lost something, something precious, that couldn't be replaced. Did that mean that he too had considered Lieutenant Paris a friend as well?

True, he hadn't liked the young man at first, but as he came to know the young man, his feelings changed. The Doctor now found that he almost enjoyed spending time with the young man. They shared a similar sense of humor; in fact Paris was one of the few on board that got his jokes. And despite his very rocky start, Paris did prove he was a competent medic. He may have lacked Kes's natural gift for medicine, but he learned more then enough to help out when things got hectic. It was something that the Doctor appreciated more then he let on. Amd then there was the fact that Lieutenant Paris, unlike most of the crew, had always treated the Doctor like he was a person, a part of the crew. Paris talked to him, sometimes at nauseam, but the Doctor found he preferred that to the indifference and the cold shoulders he received from almost everyone else on board. For some reason, Paris had trusted him. _Paris had trusted him_ So different from _Paris trusted him._ Strange how one little word could have such an effect

Shaking his head the Doctor pushed the thoughts out of his mind. It was not the time to reflect on them. Maybe later when he had more time. For now, he had to tell the Captain what had happened. He walked over to his desk, and asked the computer for the location of Captain Janeway.

*******************

Neelix tasted the soup one last time before it put aside so it could simmer while he made dinner for the rest of the crew. Without the spices that were his trademark Neelix thought that the soup, plain tomato - tasted bland - almost flat. But as much as he wanted to, he resisted the temptation to add something. For some reason Tom Paris liked his soup plain. Or at least that is what Harry Kim said when Neelix asked they young man about Tom's favorite foods. He hoped Tom would appreciate this. He wanted to apologize for making his friend sick and this was the best - really the only - way he knew how.   


A choked sob made him turn as Kes entered the Mess Hall. With out a word, she walked to the viewports staring out at the stars.   


She'd been crying. He could see that. He walked over to her, placing a hand on his shoulder. "Dearest?" he asked. "Are you all right?"   


Her shoulders began to shake as she began crying again. Not sure what to do, he turned her around and held her speaking soft southing words. Then the tears began in earnest. Sobs that racked her small frame. Suddenly he didn't need to ask to ask what had happen. There was only one reason she here, crying like this. But that knowledge didn't help him find the words to ease her pain. All he could do was hold her. So that is what he did... and what he would continue to do for as long as she needed him. And not just because of their personal realtionship, because it was is job. Kes would not be the only one that would need his services in the coming days. Several on the ship would be effected by the loss. Ensign Kim, Lieutenant Torres, the Delany sisters, just to name a few. And who, do I turn to? he wondered. Who does the morale officer turn to, when his moral needs a boost?

*******************

  
  


The Doctor's news shocked Janeway. The last time she had seen Tom Paris in Sickbay, just after his historic transwarp flight, the Doctor had said that Paris was in perfect health. After the exmination the Doctor said there weren't any side effects from the trip. That had only been a few hours ago. "How?" she wanted to know. "What happened?"

"I'm still not sure what happened, Captain." the Doctor began. "Or rather, I know what happened, but I don't have a clue as to why it happened," the hologram replied. "Kes and I will perform an autopsy on the Lieutenant's body in the morning. I should be able to tell you more then." The Doctor then paused, as if considering his next words. "Captain, just before he died, Lieutenant Paris asked if someone would contact Starfleet Headquarters, and inform his father that 'he did it'. I assume he meant he broke the threshold. I thought that you would be in a better position to do that than I. Doctor out." The screen winked out as the Doctor broke the contact.

Kathryn Janeway stared at the blank screen, trying to grasp what the Doctor had just told her. Tom Paris had just died, exact causes unknown. She couldn't believe it. She didn't want to believe it. Tom was so full of life

She stood and walked around over to the view port. But she didn't see the stars of the Delta Quadrant, instead she thought about the first time she had meet Tom Paris at the Federation Penal Colony at Auckland New Zealand.

She hadn't like him then. She had known what his reputation was and their first meeting seemed show that it was well deserved. He came off as shallow, selfish and opportunistic. He freely admitted that he was more then willing to help Janeway find Maquis, provided she would help him get out of prison. Not exactly the noblest reason in the world.

But when they been brought to the Delta Quadrant by the Caretaker, things quickly changed. And she suddenly saw that there was a lot more to Tom Paris then he would have anyone believe. And over the year he changed even more. The cocky, angry, extremely defensive young man was gone, replaced by a capable, competent and caring, if somewhat sarcastic, senior bridge officer. Janeway had never regretted her decision to give him the field commission that made him a Lieutenant or his position at the Conn.

It was a joy to watch Tom Paris fly a ship, any shipor it had been. There was no doubt about it, Paris was one of the best pilots Janeway had seen. And, if she was going to get her crew home she needed the best. Even with Paris at the Conn, thetrip across the Delta Quadrant was going to be a dangerous one. Now, without his skills as a pilot and teacher, his lighting fast reflexes, it seemed almost impossible.

The tragic ironic was that Tom had died as a result of an attempt to shorten their decades-long journey back to the Alpha Quadrant. Not that returning home was foremost in Tom's mind. No, he wanted, felt he needed to, do something that had never been done before. And he wanted some kind of personal redemption for all of his past sins, to make up for the actions that had lead to his dismissal from Starfleet all those years ago.

A door chime brought out of her thoughts. "Come," she said as she turned to face her visitor.

Harry Kim, obviously distressed about something, walked in. Janeway looked at the young Ensign and suppressed the urge to wince. Harry. Oh God, Harry. How was she going to tell him about this? As much as Tom's death would effect her, it would effect him even more. Tom had taken the younger man under his wing, and quickly became a big brother to the very young, very green ensign.

"Captain?" Harry asked, startling her out of her thoughts. "I just heard about Tom..."

"What exactly have you heard?" she asked, amazed at how calm she sounded. If only she felt that calm.

"Not much," Harry admitted as he began pacing in front of her couch. "All Neelix could tell me was that Tom collapsed and that there were some problemsproblems with transporting him from the messhall to sickbaythey couldn't get a lock on him. He had to carried to Sickbay by a medical team. Then I went to see B'Elanna, to ask her if she knew what was going on, but she said that she didn't have the time to talk. She had to get everything she could from the shuttle's logs and sensor readings and get them to the Doctor as fast as she could. Th- tha- hat Tom's life might depend on it."

Damn. She had forgotten about Torres. While the Klingon engineer and helmsmen may not have liked each other at the start of their journey they had worked out most of their problems and were now good friends. Torres would be another person who would hit hard by Tom's death.

"Captain, what's going on?" Kim asked. He was becoming more upset by the second. "Tom' s not... " He stopped for a second, then began again. "He's not going to... " He broke of again, and changed the question. "Tom's going to be all right, isn't he?"

She wished that Kim had been able to finish his first question. It would have made the next few minutes a little easier. Not a lot, but a little.

"Ensign," she said, her voice reveling none of the anguish she was feeling. "Would you please sit?" She motioned to her couch. Kim's expression grew even more panicked, but he did as she requested. She studied him for several seconds trying to find the perfect words. But there were weren't any, so she decided on the direct approach.

"Ensign," she began, then decided that she needed be a little more personnel. She sat next to him and placed a hand on one of his shoulders. He turned to face her, and she could see the fear in his dark eyes. "Harry, I don't know any other way to tell you this, but Tom died ten minutes ago." she said, careful to her voice even. If she was going to get him through this, she would have to be in control of her emotions. Or at least look like she was.

All the color drain from Harry's face. She was glad that he was sitting, otherwise there was every reason to believe he would have ended up on the floor. He turned away and did not say anything for several seconds. He just took several several deep, ragged breaths.

"Why?" he finally asked, his voice mixed with a sob. He turned to face her and she could see tears running down his face. "What happen? What went wrong? I thought the Doctor said that there were no after effects" She could hear the anguish in his voice. He looked away from her, staring out the viewport she been looking only a few minutes earlier.

"The Doctor doesn't know what went wrong." Janeway told him gently, keeping her hand on his shoulder. "He'll know more tomorrow after he performs the autopsy." She could feel him tense at the words.

"Does the rest of the crew know?" Harry asked. He tried to sound like a seasoned Starfleet officer. He failed miserably, but she was grateful for the attempt.

She shook her head. "The Doctor just informed me a few minutes ago. I was getting ready to inform the crew." Janeway studied the distraught young man, reminded of how young Harry was. And how sheltered his life had been before _Voyager._ Chances were that Tom was the first close friend he had lost. "Harry," she said gently "If you want to take a couple of days off"

He shook his head. "Thank you Captain, but no. I don't think I want any." He took a deep breath and turned to face her once again. "I want to go over the sensor readings. Maybe I can find out what went wrong. Find out why Tom" He stopped. "Find out why it happened." He stood and looked at her with a strange mixture of sorrow and determination in his eyes.

Janeway didn't have the heart to tell him no. She realized that he needed something to do. She also realized that forcing him to take some time off might make things worse. He would deal with this, but in his own time, in his own way. Besides, he wasn't the only one that wanted, _needed_, to know what had gone wrong. "Get to it, Mr. Kim." she said. "But if you need to talk, my door is always open"

"Thank you, Captain," he said. "I'll keep that in mind. " He nodded, wiped his eyes and walked out to main the bridge.

Janeway watched him leave. She hoped that he would take her up on the offer to talk. It would help her as much would help him. She wanted him to know that he wasn't alone. And there were others that would help him through his grief, and he could help them through theirs.

She knew she had to tell the crew, but there was something she needed to do first. Inform Admiral Paris that his son had done "it". He had made history. And she wanted the Admiral to know what price Tom had paid for that success. She would decided how to send the message later. But she had to create the message now, while the events were still fresh in her mind.

"Computer," she said. "Record a message to be sent to Starfleet Headquarters." She paused, cleared her throat and began. "Message begins. To Starfleet Headquarters. From _USS Voyager, _Captain Kathryn Janeway in command." she began. "This is inform you of _Voyagers_ attempts to shorten our journey from the Delta Quadrant by attempting to travel at Warp Ten. While we were able to find the crystals that could remain stable at higher warp speeds, and able to modify a ship so it would not tear apart under the stress flying at such speeds. we will not be able to use this knowledge to get home. Our one and only successful test flight has resulted in the death of our test pilot. Let the record show that on Stardate XXXX, Lieutenant Thomas Eugene Paris became the first person to travel at Warp Ten., becoming the first person in Federation history to cross the theoretical threshold." She paused, and chose her next words carefully, "I wish to state for the record that Lieutenant Paris was an exemplary Conn officer. It was a pleasure to serve as his commander, even it was only for a brief period of time and some under very unusual circumstances. He may have had his faults, and he made some mistakes in the past, but when it counted, when I needed it, he was one of the best officers I've ever seen." She paused again. "I further request that a copy of this message along with all the relevant files be sent to Admiral Owen Paris so that he will know exactly how and why his son died. Janeway out."

She had the computer play back the message, pleased with what she heard. "Save the message." she said.

She could no long er avoid it. She had to inform the crew. She wasn't quite sure what their rections would be. She wondered which would upset people more. The death of Tom Paris, or fact they would not be able to use Warp Ten to get home She took another deep breath, straightened her shoulders and walked out of her ready room. The entire bridge crew looked at her, waiting for her to say something. She nodded to the ensign standing at Ops/Communications who switched on the ships intercoms. "Janeway to all decks." she began. "I have an announcement concerning Tom Paris's transwarp test flight"

****************

"It has to be here somewhere." B'Elanna Torres muttered to herself as she studied the shuttle's sensor logs for the hundredth time in the last hour. She was looking for something, anything, that would explain Tom's collapse. But she hadn't found anything.

"Janeway to all decks"

At the sound of the Captain's voice, B'Elanna looked up from her console grateful for the interruption. Maybe it would be good news.

As she listened to the Captain's message, B'Elanna had to fight the urge to throw something, or someone, across Engineering. _NO!_ _It couldn't be. Tom couldn't have died. He just couldn't have._

She thought back to the time they had been imprisoned in that Vidian prison, when she had been split into her Human and Klingon halves. Tom had helped her Human half, taking care of her as she struggled to come to grips with what had happened. And he had protected her when she was too weak to take care of herself. As much as she hated the Vidians, and everything that had happened on the miserable planet, she was oddly grateful that it had happened. No only because it gave her a chance to see all the positive aspects of being Klingon, but the experience had been a turning point in her relationship with Tom Paris. Until that point, their "friendship" was due more to a mutual friendship with Harry Kim, But that on that mission, in that hell, they had formed a strong bond.

Harry She wondered how he was handling this. He had to be taking it pretty hard. He was so young and innocence when it came some things Like losing close friends to the hazards of space travel.

The captain finished her announcement, saying that there would be a memorial service held sometime the following afternoon. But B'Elanna barely heard her. She was still fighting the building rage. She knew she had to get of Engineering. Work off her anger before she took it out on her staff. Standing, she walked over to her assistant Carey. "If anyone needs me," she said. "I'll be in Holodeck Four," she said.

"Yes, ma'am." he said. He didn't mention that she was leaving in the middle of a shift, that there was still great deal of work they needed to do. He seemed to understand why B'Elanna needed to go to a holodeck, and why it couldn't wait.

When she arrived at the Holodeck, she began on of the more intense workouts programs. Over the next two hours she fought and killed just about every figure in that program, and in three others. When she finished she found the rage was gone, but it had been replaced by a hollow, empty feeling. She wasn't sure which was worse.

*****************

  


He looked at the readings one more time. Maybe this time they would make sense. Why was he having so much trouble understanding the data before him? He hadn't had any problem last night, when he, Tom and B'Elanna had looked at every thing one last time.   


Maybe that was it. He needed Tom and B'Elanna.

He reached to tap his combadge before he remembered. B'Elanna might be able to help him, but not Tom. Tom would never be able to help him again.

A of him knew this... the rational part of him knoew that Tom had died earlier that afternoon. But another, a larger part of him didn't want to accept what had happened. Tom couldn't be dead. It was as simple as that. Tom couldn't be dead. Harry had already lost his mother, his father, Libby, everyone he had ever cared about when Caretaker had kidnapped them. He couldn't lose his best friend too. Could he? Was life, fate, really that cruel?

He needed a break... that was it. Needed to take a break. Maybe go to the holodeck, play a few games of pool. Maybe Tom would even join him for a few games... and they could play for replicatior rations, just like they always had...   


*************************

He would have to notify the Captain. She would want to know about this perticular development in the Lieutenants condition. This call would be even harder then the last one. True, he had only limited experince as to how to inform the Captain of the death of a crew menber, but he did have some knowledge to draw on. There was nothing in his database that covered anything like this.   


"Sickbay to Janeway."

After a few seconds the Captain's sleepy voice responded. . "Janeway here," she said "What is it Doctor?"

He paused. He still had no idea how to tell her about Tom Patis. "I'm not sure where or how to begin, Captain," he said as he looked over at t rapidally changing form on the bio-bed "But it would seem that Mr. Paris is not as dead as we thought"   


End.

   [1]: mailto:parisfan@erols.com
   [2]: http://hometown.aol.com/parisfan/



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